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This is in my heart. I love to write but could never finish anything. This way, I am accountable for writing daily and publicly sharing my relationship with the Lord. You may notice that I do not mention any names (except my first name). I want to keep my family, friends, co-workers, etc completely anonymous due to privacy issues. This blog is a release for me. A way to concentrate solely on my Lord, my issues and lay down all my worries in his hands. Also to praise The Creator of all things.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Tragedy and other issues...

Lord,
What a tragedy it has been for those in Japan.  I can't even imagine what was going through their minds as buildings shook and tumbled, loss of power, and then being hit by a tsunami.  Lord, Please comfort those who are lost and trying to find safety, those who have lost and are in mourning, and those who don't know where they're loved ones are.  Please be with all of these people, Oh Lord.  I pray that you bring comfort to them and their families as they learn awaited news and try and rebuild their lives again.

I woke up at 2am this morning to the sound of my husband coming in from his marketing conference.  He was upset and wanting to know why I hadn't answered my phone.  I was still half asleep but I knew something had happened. 

A couple of years ago, my husband, who is a former alcoholic, drank an unknown amount of cough syrup.  From what I understand, he was not trying to harm himself, but had a terrible cough that wouldn't go away.  So as he was driving, he could not measure the normal dose and thought taking a few big gulps would suffice.  My daughter, who was eight years old, was in the car with him.  It was 9:00 pm.

As he was driving from his friend's house (which is about an hour drive), He said he felt something happening to his body.  A tingling sensation that pulled down from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet.  He said it was hard to breathe.  He pulled over and his body started to involuntarily slump down and he could not sit up.  My daughter was in the passenger seat crying.  He said he somehow managed to call me on his cell phone, but it was hard trying to remember my number and press the buttons. 

When I answered the phone, I remember he kept saying, "Angie, I love you.  I just need you to know that.  I love you."  He was repeating himself over and over.  Of course, I knew something was wrong.  I started spouting out questions about what happened, where was he, etc.  He wasn't sure what was happening, but said he felt like he was dying.  I was also able to figure out where he was and was able to get him driving again over the phone and I directed him how to get to his other friend's house who lived next to the church we attended.  It wasn't far, the reason I got him driving again. 

Our friend called an ambulance after speaking to me and letting my husband and daughter in the house.  It seemed like forever but I made it to the hospital before he did.  It turns out, the doctor actually thought my husband was on drugs.  But apparently there is some kind of chemical in the cough syrup that can cause this type of reaction if taken too much.

The next day, my family took off of work and school just to be together.  My husband felt that this was a wake-up call.  He needed to get his life together and right for the Lord.  He was already saved, but we were living carnally and not attending church regularly. 

This morning, at 2am, my husband told me he had the same experience coming home.  He tried calling me but my phone was not ringing out loud.  He called his mother, who talked to him on the phone until he made it home.  He does not know why he experienced the same symptoms, but assured me he had not taken any type of cough syrup.

Now, my husband is overweight.  He is on the following meds:  blood pressure, cholesterol, anxiety, pain (for his previous multiple back surgeries), and probably more (I have a hard time keeping up with that kind of stuff).  Heart disease runs in his family.  So, I started wondering, Is my husband having a heart attack?  Was this an aneurysm?  However, what are the chances of having a heart attack or aneurysm and then reversing itself where he's ok again?  I don't think that happens very often.  So now I'm wondering if he needs a CT scan of his head or if something else could be going on with him.  He was very scared and very drained. 

I woke up this morning also very exhausted, but feeling much sicker than yesterday.  We both stayed home from work and also let our daughter stay home with us too, for a family day.  (I don't do that often!)

Now, my daughter's massive ADHD episodes started today too.  When she is on ADHD stimulants (which are to help control her ADHD by allowing her to focus and calm down), quite the opposite happens.  She becomes irate and defiant. 

A couple of years ago, my daughter was on Adderal.  She had been on it since she was 5 years old.  I thought her behavior was just "her".  She became violent at the age of 8.  She would frequently ask me or my husband to kill her, she would say that everyone hates her, I found a steak knife under bed, she would scream and call me names, and the last straw was that she would take her toys and throw and try and hit me with them.  Now, I know what you're thinking.  She's a scrawny eight year old girl.  And I'm tough cookie.  But let me assure you, this little girl had so much adrenaline running through her body, she was stronger than some men that I know.

I had to put her in a behavioral hospital.  I believe they wanted her there for at least seven days.  I couldn't handle the fact that I couldn't see her but one hour per day.  I mean, this is my baby!  I kept thinking, she's going to be scared all by herself, Mommy isn't with her, etc.  I was literally going crazy and by Day 3, I released her.  The doctor there had taken her off of her ADHD stimulants and put her on behavioral meds.  For a year and a half afterwards, this little girl grew up so loving, never raising a hand to me, so affectionate.  I had my baby back!

Well, for a year and a half she did great.  Now she's in the fifth grade.  Since the beginning of the school year, she has been failing.  I tried over and over to talk to her teachers, but they are tired of me emailing them and have stopped responding.  I have never asked them to give her special attention.  Her biggest problem is that she forgets to bring her homework home, forgets to turn her homework in and forgets to write the homework assignments down.  During one phone call, my husband suggested that the teacher try and remind my daughter to write her assignment down or check her assignment book to make sure it was written there.  The teacher said that she didn't have time and suggested my husband take off of work, drive twenty minutes to school and make sure she had it written down himself.  Really?  Wow!  And to think that teachers no longer want to be there for the kids.  Very disappointing.

Anyhow, my daughter eventually qualified for the 504 plan - which is a legal plan to help students with disabilities of all types.  She just got approved and the school year is almost over.  The good news is that the plan will help her in middle school next year.  She doesn't have to re-qualify for a few years.  However, to be on the 504 plan, the school required my daughter to go back on ADHD stimulants and to keep trying the one that works for her.  So we are doing that and guess what??  Back to the bad behavior.

Today, she was beating on my bathroom door, kicking her bed, told me she hated me and hit me.  Don't think I didn't punish her.  I'm trying not to use corporal punishment because in the past, that always made things ten times worse.  So I took her TV and computer privelages away today.  I'm sick and I have to deal with this... ugh. 

One more thing, I had a dream last night that I was eating gummy bears (a whole box of them).  People kept looking at me like, "When is that girl going to put those down and quit eating?"  Yes, I'm a food addict.  I am currently 169lbs.  A few months ago, I had lost weight and reached 157.  I lost 34lbs actually.  I was in the 190 range.  So I don't consider myself morbidly obese, by any means.  But I can see the weight creeping back up.  I know that dream meant that I see that I am out of control.

Lord I have a few prayer requests this morning (or afternoon, I should say):
  1.   Not only comfort those and be with those who have experienced that earthquake and tsunami in Japan, but please heal my husband of whatever may be wrong with his body and/or mind.  Please comfort and be with him.  Please allow him to live a long life with me. 
  2.  I know this is a long-shot, but you are the King of Kings; Lord of Lords.  Please heal my daughter of her ADHD.  If that is not in your will, please help her control her anger.  Please comfort and be with her and let her know how much we love her and that we are there for her.
  3.  Lord, please help me get my food addiction under control.  Help me find the will-power and motivation to go back to eating appropriately and exercising like mad! :)
  4.  Help me be a better Christian.  Give me the words to help educate and talk to others about you.
  5. Forgive me of my sins, Lord.  All of my sins that I have committed against you.
  6. And last, but never least, Thank you that my family lived another day.  Thank you for your love, your mercy,  and your forgiveness.  Thank you for the Angels that watch over and protect us.  You are my heart, my love, my soul... my everything.
In His Name,

Amen

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